Lighthouses
Lighthouse: a structure that has two main functions; the first is to warn ships of hazardous areas, and the second is to serve as a navigational tool for sailors.
After losing my grandfather – the man who had given me my first camera - I drifted away from my faith, loved ones, and alienated myself from my surroundings. I developed a desperation for the presence of joy and light to resurface.
I was in a tiny boat being rocked relentlessly by waves and dragged along by currents in a sea of darkness and the small candle lighting my way was in real danger of going out. Once this candle went out I would have nothing to guide me and was utterly lost.
My first metaphorical lighthouse came into view on January 31st 2017, when my brother asked me to make a portrait of him with a view camera I had borrowed. I discovered a therapy in making photographs with a large format camera. The meticulous process and the attention it demanded absorbed my conscious mind and relieved me from the nightmares that plagued me.
Soon after this discovery I was gifted my Grandpa’s large format Pacemaker Speed Graflex that he used as an Army Photographer. I was able to memorialize my grandfather by using his camera to capture these lighthouses and through this I found peace on my search for joy.
I chose to shoot these images with film because I needed a tangible and physical reminder of the constant presence of joy, goodness, and light in my life. The irony of capturing positive moments on negatives reflected my internal healing and growth, and using a large format camera forced me to slow down and absorb each lighthouse as it came along.
Through photographing these metaphorical lighthouses every day since May 14th 2017, I have found there is indeed light, joy, and truth in the world. As a result, these images have allowed me to heal. Because of this healing, I was able to grow into a person who is able to see the good in situations that seem perfectly hopeless, and it is my hope that these images will show others that there is indeed light and joy in the world, no matter how dark it gets.